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Archive for the ‘Marriage tenacity’ Category

I did mention in my earlier post that I was going to gift a letter to my hubby for our wedding anniversary. I did and embarrassed him much! He is not a person who can take flattery easily! πŸ™‚Β  Though I told him the letter just lists the stuff I love about him, occasion being our anniversary, I did not want to touch upon the dislikes, so he can be assured that I do have some stuff I dislike! Still it was tough for him to accept it gracefully!! πŸ™‚ Anyway I am just publishing the censored version of a part of the letter I gave him. I want everyone to know what a great guy he is and how incredibly lucky I am!!

So here it goes!

It is our wedding anniversary! We have had wonderful, memorable, great, not-so-great, not-great-at-all moments in all these years together!!Β  And every one of those moments was special to me no matter what, because it was with you I lived and shared those moments..

I am so glad you are part of my life. I love you for being my most adorable purushan and more than that, for the wonderful dad you are to our kids!

I will be thankful eternally to all the so-called-planetary elements that brought us together!

We are so attuned to each other that I dont ever have to explain myself even during my freak days! I love your total and unconditional acceptance of me!

I love our one-night-only rule so we can have the CRAZIEST fights and not worry about the repercussions, becoz we would be fine the next morning! πŸ™‚ Isn’t that cool??

I love the way you avoid taking sides when I just vent out my frustration about any of our close kin, and just patiently listen me out, thus bringing my temper down.

I love how you are always ready to take care of our kids when I am in that last few chapters of the book I am reading! Who can be that lucky to have a hubby who is so responsive to her reading needs?!

And of course I love to read books nudging against your shoulder while you are busy reading your book! πŸ™‚ I know some people may find us crazy reading our brains out when we have the private time! But hey this is our way of being totally happy! So what!! πŸ™‚

I love how you always know when I need an ice cream, though I would clearly say I dont need it and how I am on a diet! πŸ™‚

I love how you make sure, first it is I who eats the dinner, on my fasting days. You would not even allow me to feed the kids before I have my first meal of the day at dinner time! Such a caring hubby you are; though you dont like me fasting, you dont stop me!

I love how we just live our lives the way we like, with very little compromises. You dont expect me to change at all in any way, it is only me, the bad me who forces you at times to try stuff you dont like! I promise I would try not to do that often this year and eventually stop doing that too..

I love how you have the same rasam for three consecutive days and still everyday say it is good! πŸ™‚ You would in all probability be the only husband who scolds a wife who cooks everyday!

I love how you love to put the kids to sleep. You would not mind rocking A for even an hour to put him to sleep, though in the end, Hyperactive A would sleep for hardly 15 mins! Nothing deters you from parenthood, changing dirty nappies or washing soiled clothes or handling colicky babies; you are the best dad, any wife can hope from her hubby!!

I love how you try to surprise me on my birthdays with great salwars! Though you know I never pick up the ones you show me during our shopping trips. That doesnt deter you from choosing stuff for me and I love it how I end up liking the dresses you gift much more than the ones I would have spent hrs choosing!

I love how you never hover over me when I am at my mom’s place! How you wait till I make the call to you even if it is 24 hrs after I leave you.. You find it perfectly alright that I forget to call you when I meet my mom or sisters! πŸ™‚

I love the way you treat my parents and sisters and how they all warm up to you. I love how my dad listens to you more than me! I totally love the way you embraced my whole family!

I love you for not getting bothered at all with my quite long conversations over fone with my best friends! You seem to be content with the fact that at least none of my best friends are in our neighborhood! πŸ™‚

I love the way you respect my space and dont pry into my stuff. You know I have been blogging recently, still you do not ask me for the site, you know I would share it with you when I am ready.

My love list for you would go on and on, my dear! Thank you for finding me and being a part of my life.. I dont know what I would do withoutΒ  you!! Happy Anniversary!

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I really needed a light reading after the Banville book. My friend Arch suggested the right one! The book I just completed is “A celibate season” by Carol Shields and Blanche Howard.

A long time friends, the authors of this epistolary novel, write letters to each other taking the roles of the couple Jocelyn and Charles, who are happily married with two kids, till they take a 10 month long separation due to Jocelyn’s work. Quoting Wikipedia,Β  an epistolary novel is a novel written as a series of documents. Here it is the letters between the husband and the wife.

The book is so interesting that you would hardly like to put it down. I took two days to complete only because of the parental pressure! πŸ™‚ It was fun to watch the husband Chas take the household responsibilities and how easily he tries to tailor the home to his taste and ends up upsetting his wife Jock. It is kind of an unspoken rule in any household that the kitchen belongs to the person who uses it the most, rather spends time in there the most, which would invariably be the wife. And no wife can tolerate any changes to the kitchen without her concurrence. I have even seen my own mom’s discomfiture when my grandma cooks beside her in her kitchen, and tries to rearrange stuff! So, I could not believe the husband was stupid enough to attempt such a transformation in the kitchen all the while thinking he can pleasantly surprise his wife!! Poor guy, he sure takes a beating for that from his wife..

The wife Jock does turn out to be a hard-to-please woman after enjoying a taste of her professional success, she is suddenly turning blind to her husband’s love and her family ties. A part of her wants her old life back and a part of her enjoys the freedom away from the household chores and responsibilities and wants to scale newer heights in her career.

When the couple decided to exchange the old fashioned letters, I am sure they had romantic thoughts in mind. Little did they think how too much information on a day-to-day basis would drift them apart as their environments turn out to be totally unknown. Also even after you have committed to certain thoughts in a letter, by the time the other party reads the stuff and talks about that to you, you may have changed your mind. So there is always a disparity in the understanding levels.

Another food for thought from this novel is how a geographically displaced couple can keep a marriage intact and what a prolonged separation do to them.Β  Though it is said that a little separation adds spice to relationships, I beg to differ. When you are together as a couple, there is this interdependency that brings you together, however when you are apart and are getting used to leading separate individual lives, the interdependency is lost and an invisible bridge would come between the couples. Nothing can bridge that gap and every tryst would be looked forward with too much expectation and the couple cannot satisfy each others emotional needs in that rendezvous, tending to split them further apart. It will be very difficult to empathize with the other half’s life as that life is not familiar to you. Phone calls can only do so much, even a detailed commentary of whats happening on a day-to-day basis would be no substitute to being physically present. These are just my own thoughts and am not passing a judgment on couples who are staying apart and am definitely not willing their relationship to fail. The separation that I am referring to is at least 4-5 months apart and not talking about couples meeting every weekend! I guess that’s enough disclaimer from me! πŸ™‚

Anyways I have always been a sucker for getting physical REAL letters as opposed to emails and I have my share of instances when I have sent letters to my dear folks. But to me physical letters can only be carrier of good news. So I have resorted to letters only when I have been overwhelmed with emotions and my speech cannot justify my love. I remember how my amma used to be excited to receive letters from her mother, of course then the letter was also a carrier of all news and updates. Still my amma felt the letter transported her back to her home village and the familiar surrounding in which she grew up, before she traveled 300 miles away with her husband. That feeling in her and her happiness, made strong impressions in me and since my childhood, I have resorted to writing letters whenever I felt my words were inadequate.

I have also given an ultimatum to my hubby that the best gift he can give me anytime would be a real LETTER from him to me.Β  πŸ™‚ He is person of few words and it will be a very difficult task, nevertheless I still hope he gives me one before my lifetime!! πŸ™‚ Since I read this book weeks before our wedding anniversary, I know what I am going to gift my hubby this year. It will be a letter from me!

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