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Archive for October, 2011

I read in a book recently that the worst fear of any woman in her middle age is to hear someone say that she is turning out to be JUST like her mother.. I also heard the same statement in another movie and this just set me thinking if that’s applicable to me. If someone were to say that to me, that would be the GREATEST compliment I would ever receive. I am born to this incredibly amazing individual who has touched many lives and is still doing everyday! First of all, she makes these beautiful babies (including me.. ;)) , raises them so well and in the process, inculcates common sense and compassion in the kids and even in the friends of the kids. She is as selfless a person in a familial life can get and has never taught a wrong value to the four of us, her daughters. And she did all this with no help from baby center or any books. She had had all her babies before the age I was even married! And here I was at my marriage thinking I became committed a little too early and years before at the same age, my mom had 4 daughters already! I can just not fathom how scared she would have been holding me, her first-born when she was just 20 yrs old! ๐Ÿ™‚ i mean it was quite common in those days still, the mental strength she had moving away from her village to the city and from being a single totally adored daughter to being the 5th daughter-in-law in a huge joint family. She used to recount her early days that it took her a while to know everyone’s name and relationship in the family!!

When she learnt she was expecting my twin sisters in a scan that changed her life drastically, she had tears in her eyes seeing them in the scan. The scan people thought those were the first kids of the young lady lying there, when she said she already had two daughters at home, as expected, there was this loud sad sigh from the technicians. From then on, everywhere she turned, she was only getting sad stares and how she ever could raise and provide for 4 daughters with a single income was everyone’s concern! Then my parents had consciously decided that never would they let anyone’s reaction affect them and it was their duty to raise us and it cannot be anyone’s worry. They also decided not to react to the empathy and never give in or break down, no matter what they hear from others. That said, I don’t remember a single instance in all my life, when my parents worried over us – the fact about having all daughters. Of course we did not spare them of the typical worries any teenager or head strong children would give! We gave them our share of troubles and they did have to worry about that, it was just that any function we would attend, we would attract all the attention – the young parents with four daughters and they would just march in with their heads high and were never bored to repeat to people they were really not worried about our future! ๐Ÿ™‚

I have no idea how she provided for us with none of us ever thinking we were deprived of anything. There were not many hand-me-downs for my sisters as well. She was an excellent planner and had tremendous positive energy that permeated our whole household and no problems were ever too big for us to manage. I remember the super busy mornings when she gets breakfast and lunch fixed for all the four of us going to school and also simultaneously get us all ready. When it is time for our school van to pick us up a street away, she would be the first one to march out of our home with our bags calling for us – me and my first sis. ๐Ÿ™‚ We would then follow her and would be right in time for the van always. Now looking back, I cant believe how she kept the time with no calls to the van attender’s mobile, whereas I always used to check with S’s van attender before coming out of the home to wait for her school van! ๐Ÿ™‚ After sending us off, she would take my youngest twin sisters to the local school. All four of us never missed a competition at school, especially the fancy dress competition or any other activity requiring parent-involvement, she always had time for all of us. We never felt deprived of her attention or time.

She was very particular on our extra-curricular activities as well! Both me and my first sis, were quite regular to music classes till one day a mosquito entered my mouth during an Alapanai and that stopped me from going anymore.. Even at that young age, I remember skipping music class with another friend of mind and visiting a neighboring woods. As our luck turned out, we were caught the same day when my sister reported to my mom of my absence in the class and also the music teacher’s family person met us at the woods and brought us back home. I still remember how my mad my friend’s parents were and remember her cries after the beating she received; but my mom was cool as a cucumber and just told me about all the things that could have gone wrong that day and that scared me more than anything. She made me promise I would never do that again. It is not that she was never mad with us, but she always knew at every situation what kind of her reaction would have the maximum effect on us! She also signed me up for a Hindi tuition 12 miles away from my home! After school, for two days in a week I used to take public transportation up and down from Porur to Triplicane, for 1.5 hours to attend a half hour class. She wanted what was best for us, even if it meant trouble for her and for us. She was bold and wanted nothing less than that from us; I cant imagine sending S for a class that far away, however important that could have been.

Growing up, I had no trouble sharing any of my secrets with her and she would never judge me or my friends even after knowing what we have been upto! ๐Ÿ™‚ย  And now that all our sisters are in our own families, she has turned out to be a wonderful in-law as well to our husbands and she never questions our decisions and has 0% interference in our lives. That is such a rare quality right, even if we ask her for advice, she would stop with just that and not try to influence us at all. That has made her the special MIL to our spouses! Anyway there is no way I can talk about her in just one post! This is like less than 1% of all the wonderful memories I would like to share! May be I should write a separate book!! ๐Ÿ™‚

This is the Super woman in my life who shaped my life and is still making me better, with many of her insights and I owe anything that is good in me to her. ๐Ÿ™‚

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A has started daycare recently and has been having really sad days. Of course sometimes it is difficult to understand who is more sad, him or me. We have been together from the day he was born or rather from the day he started growing inside me, and have never been away from each other for more than 3 hrs! So it is just IMPOSSIBLE for me to get used to not having him around. I have these panic attacks suddenly that I have ignored him and he is up to some mischief in the other room or worse hurt himself. I can just not explain that sudden fear that rises in me and after a moment’s realization, subsides. I end up crying for no reason during the day, I know really stupid of me to behave such, knowing this is just a passing phase and that both of us will settle into this routine as well… Anyway I just wanted to recap the first week of A’s daycare experience.

The first day he had no idea what he was getting into, he was busy exploring the toys in the toddler room. We caught him quite unawares when we waved bye and left the room. I could hear his screams even down the hallway. He refused to move away from the door and kept screaming, arching his back and falling down in the floor.. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I was feeling TERRIBLE and I stayed in the hallway with my book. Since they had no way of quieting him down, they advanced their outside play time and took A outside with the other kids into the play area. That brought a change in his attitude! He stopped crying and started looking at the kids playing swings et al. But he refused to leave the teacher’s finger. I was watching him from outside and it broke my heart to see A holding on to a total stranger, he thought of all the people there, since I had spoken to that teacher for a while that morning, she was the closest he had as a kin.. He always waits to see us accept strangers before he accepts them. When some friends come home for the first time, he would watch S and us talk to them and if S seems to be fine with them, then they are fine for him as well. In the absence of S, he will watch our reaction to the new people. So his acceptance pretty much is decided on how we behave with the new guys.. I guess this will be his route till he grows up to have his own opinions! ๐Ÿ™‚ The three hours I waited that first day seemed the longest to me, and I just couldn’t gather myself to read a single page ofย  Shogun. I kept repeating prayers for his sake. When the teachers or the Center directors came to me to update me about him, they found me in tears and were all so empathetic and in fact a couple of them hugged me, to comfort.. ๐Ÿ™‚ Looking back it does seem like quite a drama but that’s how the day unfolded. When I went to pick him up, he pouted his lips and came to me with this HUGE tears in his eyes. It was sooo sad.. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

The second day was no better than the first, and in fact turned out to be worse because the one teacher he bonded with the earlier day was off from work and it was a rainy day and so there can be no outside play.ย  But the third day was much better and he had actually even tasted his lunch!! ๐Ÿ™‚ He did not cry when I picked him up in the afternoon, so that was good!!ย  Thursday again he was kind of fine but resorted to violent ways!! Looks like he kept taking his shoes off and was throwing them at his teachers! There was a “Whoaa”ย  reaction from his teachers who are used to quite docile kids..ย  At last they removed his shoes and kept them in his cubby to prevent him from teaching the act to other kids! ๐Ÿ™‚ He had also vehemently refused to participate in the group time, he was running around while all kids sat down to music and story time. Friday was a better day according to his teachers, as he did not do anything violent in the class! Also he had ‘kind of’ participated in the group time! Looks like he did sit in a chair during the group time just that he turned the chair away from the kids and sat!! I think it was his way of still protesting the change!

All through the week he hardly ate any lunch there, so I would bring him home and feed him lunch. Poor guy, he refused to take even his afternoon nap, fearing I may take him back to the daycare. He would be real clingy to me till S and my hubby came home. We decided to do full days from this week to get him to eat food there.. This week has been kind of good in the sense that he does get ready in the morning, knowing he is going to daycare. Since he just adores S and wants to do all that she does, he likes to get ready when she gets ready for school and go out with her to wait for S’s school bus. Only after she leaves in her bus, his face would show a slight reaction to the next step, getting into the car to go to his daycare.. He would start resisting slowly but not much, he would again cry when we get out in the parking lot of the day care! Even while he is crying, he would still keep walking to his class!!! Over there he would take me around the class and show his kitchen area, and the toys he plays with, but mind you, he would still be crying!! ๐Ÿ™‚ At least now he knows he cant really avoid this and kind of accepts with grace, still wants to play games with my mind by crying!! Once I am back home, I call the daycare to find out how he is doing, they invariably say, oh he stopped crying almost right after you left!!

Of course I am waiting for the day when he would march into the class smiling!! Wishful thinking but am sure A would give me that pretty soon!!

Loveย  you lots little handsome A!! Sorry for leaving you there, but you can turn this around by having fun there!!

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