Archive for June 10th, 2011

Another guilt trip…

I doubt any relationship can be perfect… Even the bestest of couples have their bad days and one wrong statement can be construed as totally lacking sensitivity and worsen the day. I know I love my hubby more than anyone (not more than my kids though.. πŸ™‚ and he loves me the same.. Still now that I am kind of not contributing financially to my family, (my job contract got over four months ago and am a stay-at-home mom), my hubby knows I find it touchy if we discuss anything to be an excess expenditure… He keeps reassuring me that I have done my best and I am in a well-deserved break, still I am SO used to being financially independent that it at times makes me think once, twice and thrice before I indulge on something..

With this background you can imagine how I would feel if I have 5 overdue items in the public library that charge $1 for each day and I owe the library $20. I feel SO BAD and IRRESPONSIBLE.. 😦 The worst thing is my hubby reminded me this Monday to check online to see if any items are due for return. I dint get around doing it so when today we found out about the overdue items, he just asked me why I had forgotten to renew. That just made me feel very bad and I know he meant nothing, still I was washed with mixed emotions of guilt of not being a good home-maker, guilt at not finding a job sooner, guilt at what-wud-I-teach-my-kids-if-I-am-like-this… I am feeling quite depressed right now and I know all it takes is a smile from my hubby and a reassuring pat to my shoulder from him that it is all OK and that I should stop worrying too much, to get me back to normalcy.. But he is in a longest conference call ever with his company folks, so I am am left brooding alone.. 😦

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